2013 INFOSEC PREDICTIONS

ybgbjqkvqvgpcvijlad!

It’s That Time of Year Again! *Breaks out goat entrails*

Welp, it’s that time of year when everyone and their uncle including the crazy ones like John McAfee, will start their prognostications on what will come in the new year where it regards INFOSEC. I for one did not want to be left out here so I decided to write this here post to set some folks straight. See, I hate the douchery that goes on in the business and media. As if some of you did not know that already? Ha! So, I feel moved once again, like a great straining bowel movement that must be released to spew it upon the Internets for you all. My prognostications will be simplistic and carry one thematic catch phrase. That phrase is “There will be fuckery” It’s short and sweet and gets to the heart of the matter in any circumstance surrounding INFOSEC and even more so, the prognostication of who may be attacking you (attribution) as well as what it is that they “will” be doing to you.

Simply put, it’s all fuckery as Hunter S. Thompson so eloquently said.

There Will Be Fuckery

I awoke today with another day of vacation ahead of me and thought “Well lets do some reading online to see what’s going on” needless to say it was a bad idea because right off the bat I was besot with McAfee prognostications on what the security landscape would be in 2013. You all know McAfee lately from the exploits of its ersatz former fearless leader John (I’m Colonel Kurtz DAMMIT) McAfee. I quickly skimmed the three articles and was immediately screaming FUCKERY! in my head and online from the pure drivel that they all were.

Article 1) McAfee Labs predicts the decline of Anonymous

Article 2) McAfee predicts “rapid development” of Windows 8 attacks in 2013

Article 3)  The top threats for 2013, as seen by McAfee

Stellar my friends.. Stellar. Say, do you think that perhaps baiting Anonymous and /b/ like that is going to get you in their good graces?

Derp.

I really think that McAfee needs to understand a bit more about the psychology and sociological bits surrounding that which they prognosticate about as a threat or not before they really put pen to digital paper and release it to the Internets… But, that’s just me huh? Of course then they go on to deduce that there will be a bevy of Windows 8 attacks.

SAY IT AIN’T SO!

Come on people, really? It’s like saying that water is wet and then proclaiming that it is a revelation… Jeez. I am sure that there are many others out there but I am not going to read them for two reasons. First off, they are all crap. Secondly, they will make my head explode and I really need to keep it intact for a while. Suffice to say though that there will be many of these to wade through and in the end they will mostly be pitches for sales and nothing of substance.

There Will Be MOAR! Fuckery

… And so I leave you with this further prognostication from me to you. “There will be more fuckery” and you can bet your bottom dollar on that. More people will come out of the woodwork in the next couple days with spin and pitches on how their services will protect you from the bad things to come. Cranks the world over will post treatises on how the future is scary and that there will be horrible attacks on us all in the form of CYBERWAR! Amongst them will of course be the government wonks as well as the milspec variety who are seeking more power to take control of the “domain” to protect us all.

Need I say more?

Gird your loins kids.. There will be MOAR fuckery ahead. How do I know? I read it online in one of those 2013 prediction posts silly!

K.