The END IS NIGH! What? We’re still here? Oh, well, I must have been misled by Satan!
Once, long ago, we all as a species were about three hairs away from being classified as Baboons. It was around that time, that someone got the bright idea to write a bunch of stories in a big book about the sky dad and his rules on how he demanded we live all our lives. Approximately two thousand years later, there are unfortunately some of these Baboons still lurking about who daily screech about the sky dad and his unhappiness with us all.
On Saturday, according to one of the more vocal baboons. we are all about to enter a world of pain because the sky dad has seen fit to tell this ‘civil engineer’ that end is in indeed nigh. Of course, this particular baboon has made this claim before and wouldn’t you know it, he was wrong. So why is it that this guy is back in 2011 with a radio ministry that is worth over 100 million dollars?
I will tell you a secret… There are many fucking morons amongst us.
Yes, yes it is true. We have reached a point in our existence that we can tame (almost) the atom and we can walk in space, but we just can’t seem to get rid of all these backward thinking barely upright walking throwbacks who still think that an Atlatl is a pretty nifty weapon. They just don’t seem to be able to get past the idea that there is no sky dad and that things like the ‘rapture’ are all parts of an imaginary tale in a big book created by hegemonic men some time after an alleged profit’s life.
So, you might look at the graphs above and think;
“Boy, this guy’s got it in for religion!”
And, you’d be mostly right. I personally think that religion, is in fact the opiate for the masses. An easy way for people to absolve themselves of the bad things that they have done with their lives (confession and absolution) while not really coming to grips with what they may have done and why. Religion also seems to be just a general crutch for those unable to grasp the idea that there is no destiny and perhaps there is nothing after life. Instead, they cling desperately to the idea that the sky dad has a great condo on a cloud for them all and their very own neighbor is ‘The Jeez’ himself.
Meanwhile, the charlatans like Mr Camping crow like the cock at first light that they have the inside knowledge on it all and can help YOU go to that heavenly condo with the Jeez…
For just a small donation YOU TOO can be saved!
Seems to me that the only difference between noodnicks like Camping and someone like L. Ron Hubbard is that Hubbard at least had some creativity. Camping’s only creative streak is the use of AM radio to bilk people of their money before the end comes. Hubbard on the other hand came up with the ‘I own you forever’ contract that every Scientology freak signs up for.. For a hefty fee that is. Nope, the two of these guys only vary in their particular brands of crazy that they pimp out. Camping went ‘old school’ (aka old testament) and Hub, well Hub went all out schizoid with aliens who inhabit our bodies (Thetans) that we must rid ourselves of by holding some useless electric cans in our hands!
Now that’s creative.
Nope, instead Camping and company have chosen the tried and true carnival revival tent approach. Even to the point of buying a set of RV’s and travelling the country preaching the word of apocalypse in the months before the end. An end mind you, pulled out of his ass once again (remember the 1994 thing) for May 21st 2011.
COME ON FOLKS! Tithe it all to us and SALVATION CAN BE YOURS!
Just how did he come up with this date? Well, he magically came up with it.. Cuz, ya know he admits to not studying the scriptures extensively. Yeah, you heard that right. Admittedly he just sorta ‘knows’ in his gut that the time is nigh.
What’s worse? He has followers and that 100 million that they have given him over the years. So, I guess the question becomes; “Who is worse? The fool who is fleecing the flock? Or the flock of sheeple being fleeced?” In my opinion, I do surely hope the rapture comes and takes them all. Then at least we would be without all of these intolerant and ignorant fools and perhaps we could actually progress as a civilization.
So, on Monday if you answer that phone Camping, and you know we will be all calling you to rag on you, you better have one hell of a great story to sell to all your sheeple.
Oh who am I kidding.. You will just pull another date out of your ass and say it’s the sky dad’s mysterious ways blah blah blah while passing the hat for donations.
Collectively we are doomed until we get past this intolerant and superstitious claptrap.