(Greek: κρυπτεία / krupteía, from κρυπτός / kruptós, “hidden, secret things”)

Archive for November 29th, 2009

Twilighters: New Mooning

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a. A prose narrative usually written in Iceland between 1120 and 1400, dealing with the families that first settled Iceland and their descendants, with the histories of the kings of Norway, and with the myths and legends of early Germanic gods and heroes.

b. A modern prose narrative that resembles a saga.

2. A long detailed report

Well, pretty much says a lot huh? So here’s my take on this film and book franchise meant for the tweeners and middle aged women.

I yawned…. A LOT.

I went to this film with a couple of women one of which has read the books and likes them. Neither are middle aged, nor tween, and happily not overly “GO TEAM EDWARD”.. Because were they, I am pretty sure I would not be consorting with them as I am anathema to all of that. So no fangirl mewling was to be had in my near proximity.. And that’s a good thing.

Anyway, having seen the first film Friday, and nonplussed, I figured what could be the harm in seeing the new one right? I had not taken into account though ,the damage to my frontal lobes from the schmaltzy dialogue and teen angst. It nearly rotted them off. In short, it was a long ass film.

So lets list the things wrong with this film and franchise:

  1. Vampires glisten like they are covered in glitter in the sun? Really? Not so much the whole bursting into flames thing that pretty much has been a constant in all vampire novels/movies/lore I can buy the not bursting into flames ala Anne Rice if old enough, but glitter? Oh how GLAM!

  1. Tween dialog and angsty feelings: I guess I am just an old crabby bastard… OR perhaps its just suckily written and perhaps even woodenly acted? Oh yeah, I vote the latter. Pattinson is the next Hayden Christiensen. They had a preview for another of his films and the staid acting and type casting will only assure his future in film.. Since Hollywood has mainly been pretty mediocre and averse to taking chances. I predict a bright future of cookie cutter roles and films for him.

  1. WAY too much six packs on tweener flesh. If that wolf kid is actually a teen I smell Rhoids in his daily life!

Really, the only thing I liked about this film was the Voltuni angle and the potential plot line that alleges to be forthcoming in yet another film…

A film I will not be going to see.

First it was reality TV.. Now it’s Saga’s that aren’t that rule the day. Truly Rome has fallen

Written by Krypt3ia

2009/11/29 at 03:38

Posted in Movie Reviews