(Greek: κρυπτεία / krupteía, from κρυπτός / kruptós, “hidden, secret things”)

Adventures In House Hunting: “It rubs the lotion on its skin”

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Yesterday we began our house search. As it was the first day of this we decided to only see five houses in the same town so as to not run us down and to ease into the fun. The first house was nice and we liked the house itself but the property was somewhat small and crowded.

The second house though was the adventure.

We pulled into the neighborhood and I already knew that this would not be a place that I would consider, but, we had to carry on to see the place. From the outside it may have been ok at first glance, but, once you really opened your eyes you began to sense the foreboding of what was to come.

The house, which had another smaller “house” behind it. It was more like a double wide trailer that had been turned into a one room inlaw apartment. The back yard, or front yard as the little house would see it, contained two rows of what looked to be apple or pear trees in an unruly line that almost demarkated the property line. Behind the little house was a cemetary… Yeah, nice, as I put it later;

“Look, the previous owners and the builders of the house are still here!”

Yeah, creepy. So, the broker went to the door and the kid inside wanted us to go look at the back property first and come back for the house. So we did. As soon as we got into the house I knew it had to be one of two reasons that he did this.

1) He needed to cover the pot smell in the house from his huge water bong hits he was doing while watching anime.


2) He had to do away with the body he was presently dressing and or cooking.

The kid made a few statements about the place then took off. The air smelled heavily of some smell I had never had invade my nostrils before. It was likely a combination of pot and some odd incense, but man, it was strong. Onward we pressed though, we looked at the bottom and top floors, even the attic (creepy) but it wasn’t until the basement that I began to feel an odd sensation of “I’ve seen this before somewhere…” Perhaps it was all the old religious iconography and odd bits in the house… Or maybe it was just a strange sense of decor for a 20 year old.

The basement was raw earth and rock (an old house) with odd bits of old junk hung here and there. A single uncovered bulb illuminated the basement in such a way, that I couldn’t help but feel that I was somehow in the basement of Jame Gumb!

It puts the lotion on its skin!

"It puts the lotion on its skin!"

I half turned to see my broker look at me with the same expression of “shit, isn’t this about where a death head moth lands on our neck and the lights go out?” but we held our tongues not knowing just where the kid was. It was a brainwave as it turned out because we were both thinking the same thing.

Upon getting back into the car and starting out the drive, the broker said;

Broker: “Well, that was an interesting place”

Me: “Yeah, uh, at least a death head moth didn’t land on us in there! It puts the lotion on its skin!”

Broker: “Yeah, that movie sure left an impression huh?”

Hahahaha.. Yeah, well the next couple houses were much better and the second to the last was something that we have begun to do number crunching on. More houses to look at next weekend, but, we may have found what we are looking for already…


Written by Krypt3ia

2009/02/09 at 02:15

One Response

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  1. Hey, nice tips. Perhaps I’ll buy a glass of beer to that man from that chat who told me to go to your blog 🙂

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